Here's One From Way Back

how to grow your hair long, for men


i am getting older, but i still think that i can objectively claim that men's hairstyles are becoming more and more extreme. and certainly long hair is acceptable to the point that it hardly draws an eye. which is why i decided to write this down. i have had many different hairstyles throughout my life and have seen even more and why shouldn't i impart a little of what i have gained to those looking to try something new.

many people think that growing your hair out is as simple as not going to the barbershop. this is patently wrong. too many men fall into this trap not realizing the preparation involved in hair growth.

probably first among your concerns is: OCCUPATION.

do you work in an insurance firm, fast food, automotive repair, perhaps you don't have a job (if you are unemployed, you may be ready to just skip the barbershop). having the correct occupation for long hair is critical. jobs where long hair can be an asset include:

rockstar

model

NFL cornerback (not sure how it benefits, but it must)

biker

hair model

jazz flautist

perhaps none of these appeal to you? of course there are plenty of jobs where, if not an asset, long hair is at least acceptable... do you work in sales? ever wanted to be a residential contractor? whatever field your in, if your boss has long hair, chances are you can too (in fact you probably should).

maybe 1a on the list should be a good conditioner. as hair gets farther from the scalp it needs a lot more help. selecting "product" is probably best done with your wife or girlfriend's assistance, they will be able to diagnose and prescribe the proper bottles and tubes for your nest. don't have a wife or girlfriend? perfect! just remember: "sink or swim". if you are committed to long hair then your path will soon be determined by your locks. a single man with a full, gorgeous mane has the ability to draw a certain type of woman, women present in all walks of life, often in droves. a single man with a fried, frizzy tumbleweed will... did i mention he's single.

now you say, what about baldness? there is no hope for you. even the slightest receding or thinning is greatly amplified by the length of your remaining hair as illustrated by this simple equation:

U=h²(1+cosx)

where "h" represents hair length, "x" the number of receded inches. "U" represents your loserdom as perceived by the rest of the world. face it you missed the opportunity to have long hair (read on anyway).

now remember when growing out your hair that between cuts are a must to avoid mangeneck and tuftear.

are you over 25 years old? unless you are a demonstration artist maybe you should not have long hair.

the bottom line: long hair is a commitment best left to creative genius, young punks, the homeless, and the perpetually single, role playing hermit. but listen, you've got a decent job, a wife (or girlfriend), and people who need more from you than a fashion statement. you don't know how good you got it!

please feel free to leave a comment

j

My First Little Covered Dish, Bon Appetit

Here is a little list of my favorite women of all time, just a little throw away post...

Nigella Lawson
My number seven. I am a sucker for accents.


Dawn French
Number six. I don't care what anyone thinks this is a sexy woman.


Erykah Badu
Number five. Hot and local, I am not even very familiar with her stuff.


Tuesday Weld
Number four. This one goes back a little ways. In one of my favorite movies.


Manon Rheaume
Number three. Maybe not the hottest woman, ratio of sports ability to hot= awesome.


Sarah Silverman
My number two, going number two. She is so funny and offensive and I would definitely take a chance if my marriage went South. I think she's cool with gentiles.


Which brings me to my number one. The most wonderful woman in all the world, of all time...

Jamie Ellis